Hey My Darling, Create your own Sunshine.

 

Growing up through CHILDHOOD, is pretty easy. We don’t fear failure, violence, not a care in the world. As we enter TEENAGE years, heartbreak sinks in, fear of rejection, of not being cool or good enough, of losing friends, not being up to the mark, takes a toll on us. Finally, not the last but the most important, ADULTHOOD. Oh well, welcome to this era! This is just what i want to discuss in this blog. I really need to clear my thoughts off , on this one.

So, here’s the thing about Adulthood. Every, I mean every damn thought that passes through our brain , during the entire day is paid attention to. Overthinking has sort of become a routine. Arghh..( already bugged thinking about this one).  I know, there’s meditation, art of living blah blah to our rescue, but c’mmon , we all know the truth, that to reach the stage where you sought help comes in later. For a short period of time, we do go through this phase, this miserable feeling. ( i can’t help but yes, negativity is something i am trying hard to get rid off).

The constant need to understand our purpose in life, to know and  follow our passion, get that dream job, find the right partner,  to be well settled…..and the list goes on.

I don’t know my purpose yet. I don’t have a particular passion that i want to follow. I just quit my job. I am 22 and i don’t intend to get married anytime soon, even though i am in love. Dude c’mmon. Who the hell set these rules to *it’s a must, to have a perfect life* . It is Bullcrap.

I don’t want to be perfect , if I have to be under constant pressure to prove myself. I will surely pay attention to your experiences, but i will make my own mistakes and learn from them and pay a little more attention to them. That is how I want to grow. In a world that thinks and believes they know me well enough, to tell me what I am capable of, give me a break! YOU DON’T!  I barely know myself and i give it in writing an entire lifetime wouldn’t be enough for you to know me. You didn’t create me, God did. So , step away! Don’t drag me into your chaos, let me deal with mine.

The people around always gave me that look, when I said I am  jobless at the moment .
Oh dear, but you are so talented, you have an engineering degree, oh but this, oh but that!
When is comes to giving advice, everybody around thinks they are an ace at it. Did i ask for it? Are we all judged on the basis of having a ten digit salary job? That’s what life is about ? Little do they know, they are an Ace sucker instead. Phew!!

I quit my job, because I didn’t feel I belonged there. I didn’t love, rather even like what I was doing. Even though, I was pretty good at my job, I didn’t find that * oh it was a good day* feeling when I hopped into my bed each night. I am not the kind of person, who will settle for “hmm, ok let’s go on and see what happens stuff!“.  I need to fall in love with it to an extent wherein, I get addicted to it.

I’ve been so worried and stressed out thinking about, what next in life. Job or no job. Study or no study. Blah blah blah. This mere confusion drains me out. I certainly don’t know what tomorrow holds. But Yes,I have today. Full power.

I am taking small steps to be a better version of myself. I am learning to drive, to play the keyboard, I used to volunteer at a NGO which i will get back to soon ,I am  a teacher at my church, and not forgetting; I have my own blog( didn’t really think of this ever before). Oh! Look World;  failures , setbacks, heartaches helps you bloom from a bud into a beautiful flower and I have learnt it the hard way. I am working on myself, not to prove you anything, but to create my own sunshine. Because I have realized and I know, I am incharge of my own happiness . Please world, just let me be me!! Please!

For those out there, who can relate to me. All I want to say at this moment is, BREATHE  . Just relax . Start with baby steps, just like the childhood days, not a care in the world.

For Every little thing will be alright, my Darling .

 

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